A man who worked for a company based in the north country town of Chorley in Lancashire was sent to work down here at the company's Glascoed branch.
Walking back to his digs at the end of the day he was in the company of one of the local lads who suggested that they should take a short cut through the churchyard.
As they followed the path between the tombstones, the north country man spotted one with an unusual inscription.
"By 'eck," he said in his distinctive accent, "I've not seen owt like that before - it says 'Lord, I am Thin'."
The local boy looked at the tomb stone and realised that the last letter of 'Lord, I am Thine' had fallen off.
Turning to the Lancashire lad he said, "Can't you see that the 'e' is missing?"
"By 'eck, tha's reet," came the reply, "It should read, 'Eee Lord, I am thin'...

Foreign readers: Don't even TRY to understand!
(from Bryan)

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STRANGE SIGNS Greengrocers:   PLEASE DON'T HANDLE FRUIT - ASK FOR DEBBIE Tokyo Hotel:    YOU ARE FREE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID Dept.Store:   BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS Dublin Barbers:    HAIRCUTS WHILE YOU WAIT Health Shop:   CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Dress Shop:  WEDDING GEAR FOR ALL OCCASIONS Pub Sign:   15th CENTURY COACHING INN - NO COACHES Hospital:   PLEASE HELP OUR NURSES HOME Office:   PLEASE DO NOT INTERFERE WITH REPRODUCTION EQUIPMENT Hotel:   THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED THE WATER SERVED HERE Maternity Ward:    NO CHILDREN ALLOWED Pub:   TOILET OUT OF ORDER - PLEASE USE PUBLIC BAR

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Bob went for an interview for a signalman's job on the railways.
The inspector asked: "What would you do if two trains were headed
for each other on the same track?"
"I'd switch the points for one of the trains." Bob replied confidently.
"What if the lever was broken?" said the inspector.
"I'd come down from the signalbox and use the manual lever."
"What if the manual lever had jammed?"
"I'd phone the next signalbox."
"What if the phone was engaged?"
"I'd use the emergency phone at the leval crossing."
"What if the emergency phone had been vandalised?"
"In that case, I'd fetch my Uncle Jake from the village."
"Why would you do that?" asked the inspector.
" Because he's never seen a train crash."

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Jeffrey Archer was visiting a school to lecture on novel writing.
In one class, he asked the students if anyone could give him an example of a "tragedy". One student stood up and said, "if my best friend was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy".
"No," Archer said, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raised her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy". "I'm afraid not, "explained Archer, "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room was silent. "What?" asks Archer, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, a boy in the back raised his hand. In a timid voice, he said: "If an airplane carrying Jeffrey Archer was blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy".
"Wonderful!" Archer beamed. "Marvellous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," said the boy, "Because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss!"

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A well known evangelist arrived in Tredegar to preach a sermon.
Wanting to post a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was.
When the boy had told him, the evangelist thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Baptist Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven."
"I don't think I'll be there," the boy said. "You don't even know your way to the post office."

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Two Valley students had a week of exams coming up.
They decided to party instead.
Their biggest exam was on Wednesday and they showed up telling the lecturer that their car had broken down the night before due to a flat tyre and they needed a bit more time to study.
The lecturer told them that they could have another day to study.
That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.
Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to two separate classrooms to take the exam.
Each boy just shrugged and went to two different parts of the building.
As each sat down, they read the first question.
"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom."
At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued.
"For 95 points, tell me which tyre it was."

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Betty awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband,Jim: "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"
With certainty in his voice, Jim replied, "Wait 'til tonight and you'll find out."
That evening Jim came home with a small package and handed it to his wife.
With eager anticipation Betty quickly opened the package to find a book entitled - "The Meaning of Dreams."

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Gwen was passing her local Chip Shop when she saw a sign saying: "FAT FREE CHIPS".
Being health conscious,she thought she'd try some.
When she received her order she was disgusted to see the chips were dripping in animal fat.
"Here - I ordered fat free chips." she said to the owner.
"That's right" he replied.
"You pay for the chips - the fat is free"

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