More valley humour:
As a jetliner was landing at Cardiff Airport,the pilot announced:
" Ladies and Gentlemen,thank you for flying with us and I hope we have the pleasure of your company on future flights."
Then,forgetting his intercom was still on,he added:
"Now all I need is a nice cup of coffee and a woman."
Hearing the gaffe,a pretty young flight attendant raced up the gangway towards the cockpit.
Halfway up the aisle,an old lady patted her on the arm and said:
"Don't rush,dear.Give him time to drink his coffee."
Dai was working in Canada.
He went into a hardware store and told the salesman he needed a chainsaw capable of felling six trees a day.The salesman showed him the top model on sale
and Dai was so impressed he bought it.
Next day he returned to the store."This saw is useless" he said.
"It's taken me all day to cut down just one tree."
"Let's have a look" said the salesman and taking the saw he started it up.
"Bloody Hell!" said Dai, "What's that noise?"
A Russian agent was sent on a secret mission to Sirhowy to contact a spy who had been undercover there for many years.
The password for the mission was "The Geese have landed".
He knocked on a door in Beaufort Road and an old lady opened it.
"The Geese have landed" said the agent.
"Wrong house,love" replied the lady.
"Jones the Spy lives in number 9"
The Doctor was explaining to Mrs.Jones how nature adjusted certain physical disabilities.
"For example,if someone is blind,they develop a keen sense of hearing and touch.
If someone is deaf,they develop other senses to compensate."
"I know what you mean" said Mrs. Jones.
"If someone has a short leg,then the other is always a bit longer."
Two rabbits and a hedgehog were waiting to cross a road.
"I'm nervous" said the hedgehog "What if a vehicle comes when I'm half way across?"
"It's easy" said the first rabbit "Just line yourself up directly between the headlights,
curl up into a ball and let the vehicle pass over you."
The two rabbits scampered across without incident and beckoned the hedgehog to follow.
As he was part way across he saw a car approaching so recalling the rabbits' advice
he lined himself directly between the headlights and curled into a ball.
Splat! - he was run over and flattened.
"That was bad luck" said the first rabbit.
"First time across and he gets a Reliant Robin."
A stranger was drinking in a Valley pub.
"Want to hear a Welsh joke?" he asked the landlord.
The landlord warned him: "Before you start you should know that I'm Welsh,most of my
customers are Welsh and the bouncer on the door is Welsh."
"That's O.K. " said the stranger "I'll tell it very slowly"
A Faith Healer came to the Valley and was walking through Blackwood with his entourage.
They came across one old man who was stooped over a walking stick.
The Faith Healer grabbed the stick and threw it away and the old man straightened up
and danced down the street in delight.
They spotted a lady wearing thick glasses. The Healer removed the glasses and
threw them into a litter bin."That's Wonderful!" she proclaimed :
"I can see properly for the first time in thirty years."
As they passed the George Hotel a group of men were drinking outside.
As they saw the Healer approaching they all scattered in several directions.
"What's wrong with them?" asked the Healer to one of his aides.
"Oh - they're all on Disability" he replied.
An Englishman,a Scotsman and a Welshman enjoyed a five course meal at an exclusive restaurant.
At the end of the evening the waiter arrived with the bill.
"That'll be £120 please" he said.
"I'll pay that." said the Scotsman.
The following day this headline appeared in the newspapers:
WELSH VENTRILOQUIST FOUND DEAD IN ALLEY
Dai Jones kept a baker's shop in a Valley Town.
As there were many Dai Jones's living there he went by the nickname "Dai Crust"
One day Prince Charles was on a visit to the Valley and called into Dai's shop where he sampled some of his wares.
Everafter, Dai was known as "Dai Upper Crust" (true story)
Tom, Evan and Jim won prizes in the Pub raffle: a bottle of whisky,a joint of beef and a toilet brush.
Evan asked Tom "How was the whisky?" "Superb" replied Tom "How about the beef?"
"Delicious" replied Evan "What about the toilet brush, Jim?"
"Not so good" said Jim." I think I'll go back to paper."
Do you know any "Valley" type jokes ? (reasonably clean ! )
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